Tell me what you all think about this rewrite I wrote on Invisible Man's introduction. Thanks in advance.
"I am the struggling soul. No, I am not a sufferer like those given charity by the American Red Cross; nor am I one of your orphanage dwellers. I am a soul of pride, of success and goals, dreams and ambition- and I might even be said to work hard. I am struggling, understand, simply because I have neared the point of give up. Like the down-in-the-dumps one sees on the streets, it is as though I have been attacked by swords of negative disappointing energy. When I question myself, I ask only my inhibition, itself, or follies of my injuries- indeed everything and anything except me."
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ReplyDeleteSasan,
ReplyDeleteYour writing here is powerful and clear. I wish you weren't feeling this way, but I am glad you were able to express yourself through this activity. Nice work!
This is a pretty deep rewrite Sasan. Your structure and language imitation is really nice. You also have some metaphors which nicely convey your point if I don't say so myself.
ReplyDelete-Phillip J.
Mrs. Elliott,
ReplyDeleteJust an obstacle waiting to be overcame.
Phil,
Thanks buddy
-Sasan
I like this rewrite because not only may it convey what you feel, but I think it relates to the narrator of Invisible Man too. Plus, the language you used was sophisticated, and your ideas of describing your emotions was intriguing
ReplyDeleteDaniel Hawkins
WOW! That was powerful! It shows great maturity to see this in your own life and be willing to work on it. This self-reflection is almost inspirational. I'll pray for you man.
ReplyDeleteDerek B.
This rewrite was really powerful to read and I think you really applied the activity to your own life instead of just trying to get the assignment done, which is much easier to do, and i applaud you for it.
ReplyDelete-Karissa C.
That's some good stuff my friend. It conveys your thematic elements in a structurally and figuratively effective way. The ideas in the rewrite resonate with every reader, because it applies to personal individual struggle that everone faces in thier life. The literatry elements and enriched context and meaning makes for a strong rewrite.
ReplyDeleteI have felt the same way lately. I have reached a point in my life where i have come to question all my goal and successes in life... things that seemed so important before, realizing that the happiness comes and goes. A question I think everyone must ask themselves is if their goals in life are for their own happiness or the happiness of others and realize that happiness does not come from material possessions or a prestigious title, but rather good conscious and internal peace.
ReplyDelete~Vanessa S.
Wow, this is very good Sasan! I like the writing a lot. I can see where you're coming from with this. Sometimes its hard to keep pressing onward with life, but we've just got to keep pressing on the best we can.
ReplyDeleteChad L.